“you got this”

“you can get through this”

“you’re stronger than you think”

“look what you’ve been through, you can get through anything”

i know your words are supposed to be uplifting, and they mean well. i’m not saying i don’t appreciate it or the thought behind it. however sometimes i feel no one gets it. i never said i couldn’t get through it, or didn’t think i was strong. more than anyone else, i know i can get through it, i know how strong i am, truthfully i know better than anyone else because i’m the one to get me through all of my hard nights and every dark slope i’ve been in. i’ve never failed myself, i always made it through. I always got myself through. so no i’m not saying i can’t get through it, because by all means i know i can. i’m saying i’m tired of going through it, i’m tired of having to get myself through another situation, another dark slope. and i’m not saying i’m giving up or i’m not going to try, i’m saying i’m tired of having to have to go through something. i’m tired of constantly having to battle the demons and fight the fight. okay i’m tired. i’m exhausted. for once i just want a break, a break from fighting, a break from wondering when the next time i’m going to have to use everything in me to fight once again. for once i want to not have to go through it, to not have anything to go through. to not have to worry about how long this “im okay” period is going to last, to not worry when i finally get through it…when the next thing is going to make me have to go through it once again. because i know i’ll make it every time, but when will i not have to anymore? i know life isn’t perfect, but for the last 6 years it’s just been one thing after another, i finally heal and now im trying to heal from something else. im finally better and now im in another slope. for once i just want time to not have anything to go through, to just be happy and live life without worrying about how much energy i’ll have the next day or what will happen when i get home. i’m tired of being tired, from fighting and battling but mostly i’m tired of going through it over and over and over again.