All That She Wrote

“it’s okay.” and i full heartedly believe it. yet something inside is screaming that it’s not. screaming for you after all the times i needed you, and you let me down. as if for some reason now you would finally change, after i have finally gotten to be okay with it. but inside i’m not.…

judgements are a killer. judgements from those who never will understand what it is like and yet they have created their own opinion spreading it like wildfire to those who surround them. about harsh topics they have never lived through and yet judge those who do. full heartedly believing in their philosophy of addicts. and…

you said you’d never hurt me. and yet here we sit. i tell myself i hate you, and honestly i think i do. wanting nothing to do with you anymore. and yet everyday i check all of your profiles to see if you’ve posted something new, i check the game we played together to see…

from the minute i was born, i was the child who never did anything right. the child who people said would fail in life. get pregnant as a teen, do drugs, drink heavily, drop out of highschool. if the phone rang it instantly was about something i did wrong. i was the bad child. because…

that sinking feeling where your whole body goes numb and you feel weight in your lungs making it hard to breathe. arising at any given moment, when happy, when out and about, with other people… trying to stay carefree, and suddenly that feeling takes over. slowly creeping in until it grabs full control over the…

he took me off the shelf. brand new. filled with bright shiny pages, with that distinct smell that makes everyone smile. a new story with endless ideas of what’s inside. he took me home. opening to the first page, instantly falling in love. obsessed, he was. reading those pages every second he could. falling deeper…

i tell you i’m okay but then i sit in my car, trembling while i try to keep myself here. i tell you i’m tired and then i lay awake all night wondering what it would be like to not be here tomorrow. i tell you i’ve moved on and yet i still scream in…

i used to see my self harm as self care. the meaning of self care being the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness. and when you see yourself as unworthy, and deserving of cruel punishment, self harm becomes self care. because at that point you’re taking an active…

you’re gone. in a split second, you’re gone. the tears keep dropping from my chin. my heart’s unbearable pain never seems to end. and i long for another day just to spend with you. like the good ol times where cookies and smiles were made, and the laughs never stopped. but the memories fade, and…