i still remember how excited i was the first time you asked to meet up. how fast my heart was racing while my smile was from ear to ear as i drove home. how happy i got every time you’d call or make a time to meet up again. dropping all my plans or making things work while i lied about where i was just so i could go see you. i still remember how jittery i was from excitement the night i drove over there. and yet i remember how much i was dreading going over the next time. how different my moods switched, how the playlists changed, the night seemed darker, the world seemed heavier, the numbness becoming greater, questioning my existence becoming stronger. i remember how much light, how much laughter, how much happiness, how much life you brought to me. and i remember how fast you ruined those things, to now bringing a much deeper darker world into my life. in a matter of two hours between two days. going from the happiest i’ve ever been, to the darkest i’ve ever been.